Ugg

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trunky
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Post by trunky »

My usual style of paying more attention on the characters rather than the football and something I've had in my head since my defunct Woof story a few years ago. In the interest of story, the main character has a lot of aggressive attributes and not many skilled ones. Nothing else in game has been changed apart from the player stats. I will be playing 4-4-2 attacking. No need to play anything else as it's about the character and not really results plus if I get the sack I'll become his agent.

The first post will obviously be a lot of words and not many pictures as the set up needs doing...if only for my brain to work properly.

So, without further ado, Ladies, Gentlemen and Dermo...I give you...

Ugg.
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Post by trunky »

It was a cold, wet and windy Monday night. I had been to a club function and had maybe a little too much to drink but seeing as I wasn't starting my job officially until Thursday that didn't seem to matter. Luckily the club had provided me with a car and driver. Let me introduce myself, I am trunky Draper, newly installed manager of Cheltenham Town Football Club. I am sitting in the back of a slightly smelly, slightly battered club car though the smell might be my fault. Too many stale bread sandwiches will do that to a person. It had been a good night, a team building episode, a chance for all the clubs employees to meet their new saviour. Me. In my first job.

I smiled to myself as I remembered the interview. "Mr Draper, we want you to bravely fight relegation." I could do that I thought. "Oh, there's no money to strengthen the squad unless you sell players." I just nodded with a huge gormless grin on my face. A few days later they offered me the job. I celebrated without stale bread sandwiches. I closed my eyes and sank back into the plush plastic covered suspiciously stained rear seat. Still smiling. Still definitely smelling.

Suddenly my world consisted of swearing and spinning. The swearing came from the front seat. The spinning came from the car which appeared to be out of control. It was all over in a few seconds and we found ourselves facing the wrong way, lights picking up a fence we had just missed. Standing the other side of the fence was a man. A naked man. A hairy naked man. A very hairy naked man. And he was definitely a man. He stood still, trying to shy away from the glaring lights that picked out his every very hairy detail. Long limbed with a slight stoop, like an old man who had spent a lifetime of picking things up. But what stood out was his head. The rain made his hair cling to his skin and showed a strong jawed, huge foreheaded man with very little teeth.

"Sorry Guv", said my driver, "He just came from nowhere, it was all I could do to avoid him."

I sat staring at the man in front of me before getting out of the car. "Are you ok?" I asked into the driving rain. There was no response apart from a slight raising of his top lip. Almost like a snarl. "Can we help?" I persevered. The raising continued. I took a step forward and suddenly the very hairy man leapt the fence and charged. He was on me before I could do anything. He smelt worse than me which was saying something. Maybe he had too much stale bread as well. He was also sniffing me. I could feel his body relax as the sniffing continued and he suddenly sat up. "Ugg" he said. "Ugg?" I responded. "Ugg" came the response. The man then stood up and watched as I very carefully did the same. Up close he looked a lot younger than I had first imagined. I walked back to the car and beckoned the young hairy naked man to follow. Much to my amazement he did just that and after a lot more rain soaked sniffing he followed me into the slightly smelly slightly battered club car.

I wasn't sure what to do with him. Do I take him to a hospital? The Police? He didn't look injured. "Home please", I said to my driver. "Home? With that?" came the response. "Home" I said. And that's what we did. We went to my newly moved into home.

It took a while for Ugg as I was calling him to follow me into my house but after a lot of sniffing he finally relented. He didn't seen to sniff as much when I offered him some food, just wolfed it down. He also wolfed down the next lot of food I gave him. He went to the toilet in the corner of the kitchen, and watched bemused as I cleaned it up. He then sat on the sofa and looked to have drifted off. I went to bed. I was awoken by the sense of being watched and as I opened my eyes they stared into another set barely an inch away. "Ugg" came the voice. Once my initial heart attack had calmed down I went downstairs and sorted some food out. That morning, whilst slightly hungover, I showed Ugg how the toilet worked, how I showered and how to watch television. He was very impressed with the television so much so that in the end I turned it off. A small snarl developed. I beckoned Ugg outside into the back garden and left him digging up and sniffing the plants.

After cleaning the house, how much mess could one young hairy naked man make? A lot was the answer, I stood in front of the sink and stared open mouthed into the garden. Ugg had found a ball. Ugg was keeping the ball in the air with consummate ease. Ugg flicked the ball around without even looking at it. Ugg looked a natural. A plan formed in my mind. Sure he would need a shave, some clothes and a lot of work in the smell department but would my plan work? It was Tuesday. I had two days. Two days to turn a young hairy naked man into a young man who could pass as a footballer. It was madness to even think it would work but worth a shot. Ugg would be my first signing. Ugg would help Cheltenham Town bravely fight relegation. I looked back into the garden. Ugg was now eating a bush whilst urinating on the football.

"I must be mad", I thought, "Mad."
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Post by trunky »

A couple of screenies ahead of the next instalment...

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Redknapp69
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Post by Redknapp69 »

Mwahahahahah - nice intro!

He can jump well but maybe eats the ball rather than heaidng it

Only 18 for strength?!

Will keep an eye on this!
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Post by Here2Win79 »

If you are playing .60 or .68, Martin O’Neill will have Ugg signed up in no time.
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Post by Mark »

Oggy oggy oggy, ugg, ugg, ugg!
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Post by trunky »

Ugg disappeared during my arrest for common indecency. I suppose it was my own fault. I needed to see what he was like running with a ball, so with Ugg dressed in my least finest football gear we took a casual walk to the local park. Like a very poorly trained dog he would chase after the ball and run with it. The only way I could get him to bring it back was with food bribery. Still, he looked majestic with the ball at his feet. That was until he saw the lake. My least finest football gear was discarded and a very naked Ugg took to the water like a very big hairy odd shaped duck. Food bribery didn't work as he swum around and around chasing anything that dared to cross his path. He then got out on the other side of the lake, took a shit and lay down. This turned out to be his demise as the Police that had been sent to check up on the reports of a "strange hairy naked man annoying the wildlife" were presented with said strange hairy naked man asleep in front of them. I finally got to them as he wrestled both of them to the ground. Whilst I admired the strength I didn't admire the taser one of them was reaching for.

After a lot of shouting, mainly from me, Ugg calmed down enough for me to present a series of sweeping lies in the hope of one of us dressing and both of us walking home with a telling off. Ugg once again proved a bit unorthodox by seizing his opportunity to run into the nearest wood.

As I made my sorry way home from the Police Station I wondered how my new employees would see todays events. At least I hadn't been recognised. "Oh well", I thought, "it was a stupid idea." Ugg was hiding in the bush in my front garden when I got home. I think he looked sorry and even gave me a pitiful glance as I let him into the house. Ugg made his way into the garden and started eating the food from the bird feeder.

I left Ugg at home when I made my debut press conference. I made all the right noises during it judging by the look on the chairman's face. He reminded me after that there was no money for signings and that we had a two match tour of Northern Island starting on Tuesday next week with the boat leaving on Monday morning. Any new signings I wanted to make, free ones of course, should be completed by close of play Saturday. No one mentioned the park incident, much to my relief. I spent the rest of the week in the garden with Ugg, pausing only to feed him, clear up his mess and occasionally sit back and admire the prodigy that I had found.

With no players wanting to join Cheltenham before the tour I had no other option but to take Ugg with me as a "trialist." First up in the mini tour was Glentoran. I picked Ugg at left wing, hoped that he might actually pass the ball to someone on his team and sat back in the dugout crossing everything. Ugg heard the whistle and looked round. His team mates were passing the ball confidently to each other. He looked bemused and wandered around a bit following the ball. That was until the 10th minute when a cross was fired into the middle and smacked him full in the face. Alsop latched onto the loose ball and tucked it away. 1-0. Ugg had an assist. He didn't know what to do as his team mates ran over to congratulate him. On 17 minutes Howells missed a penalty. We went 2-0 up after 18 minutes through Mike Duff. After 24 minutes Yates mishit a pass that hit Ugg and bounced into Milton's path that nearly resulted in another goal. Those two moments were the only times Ugg touched the ball in the first half although he did try and wrestle the referee for the ball when the whistle blew.

I thought about taking him off but then realised that I had no other left wingers in the squad. He stayed on. After 68 minutes Mike Duff actually passed the ball to Ugg who took off down the wing like a man possessed before mishitting a shot into Alsop's path who calmly found Naylor who found the net. 3-0. The match finished with no other Ugg or goal related incidents. As I made my way into the changing room I was astonished to see Ugg grinning madly whilst joining in with his teammates celebrations.

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Two days later we played Coleraine and drew 1-1. I took Ugg off after 72 minutes as he had spent the whole game running after the ball like an over active child. Or very hairy dog. I say "took off" but in reality it took myself and 3 backroom staff to remove him from the pitch and only after we gave him his own ball to kick.

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The chairman seemed pleased after the game and commented on the "very fast outside left chap." Yes I would try and secure his signature. Yes he was an odd person. And yes he was sitting in the corner eating a table mat.

Still, the first league game was nearly four weeks away so I would have plenty of time to coach Ugg and maybe find some players to join the ageing squad.
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Post by Kingsley »

Victory, Duff, Yates, Devaney,Brough. Cheltenham had some decent players back then.
And now a legend in the left wing.
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Post by Redknapp69 »

They do have some good 01/02 names!

Ugg had more than a few touches in 1st game - had the most from what I can see!

Helluva debut and ok in 2nd game - looks like he needs a rest!

I'm amazed he didn't jump overboard on the boat on the way there given his love of lakes!
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Post by Mark »

You do at least have a good squad to work with!

Definitely surprised he didn't cause any chaos whilst in Northern Ireland, must have been kept on a very short leash!
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Post by trunky »

One of the first things I had to do was to try and teach Ugg football language. Obviously complicated commands like "On me 'ed son" were out but the simple things like "pass", "tackle him" and "Oh ffs you fecking idiot my gran could have scored that!" should be within his grasp. Luckily his teammates asked no questions and got on with helping Ugg train leaving me the complicated task of trying to strengthen the squad with absolutely no money whats so ever. I also decided to sell a few players to see if I'd get a small spending allowance. This saw Spencer, Griffin, Williams and Finnigan leaving for a combined total of 170k.

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This made no difference to my spending pot, even after a board request, so I got on with the search for freebies. First up was Richard Smith from Grimsby, a centre half, who was closely followed by the mighty Andy Morrison. He needs no introducing. Ex Everton full back, Alec Cleland was also added to the squad before the search for an Ugg back up lead to previous Champ Manager living legend Joey Beauchamp joining. Realising we were pretty light in the centre of midfield and also realising that no-one wanted to join led to a loanee from Halifax called Stuart Elliot arriving in a taxi.

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Over the next 4 weeks Ugg settled down into a routine. Training in the morning, digging up the garden in the afternoon. He also was an avid TV watcher especially after he realised that there was nothing behind the set. I'd also point out the watching Jurassic Park probably wasn't the best idea but every day is a learning day especially when you have a 6000 year old man living in your house. We did venture out a few times over the weeks but nothing major although Ugg did still chase the birds in the park but luckily kept his clothes on.

Game day and Chesterfield away. Andy Morrison was the only new player deemed fit enough to play and took his place with Mike Duff moved out to full back. Ugg did well if I'm honest, stuck to the wing and ran back to help out Victory when needed. Unfortunately our Midfield dynamo got sent off for two yellow cards and the game petered out.

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As we had a whole week off until our next match, a sort of local Derby versus Swindon I decided to give the lads a couple of days off and then took Ugg away for a few days. By now he was used to the car and had worked out an ever increasingly active system to tell me when he needed a break. He also knew a few words out of football. Words like TV and food. If he didn't know the word he would still point at the object before trying to learn the word and then giving up and throwing said object against the wall.

One change was made for Swindon with Paul Brayson coming in up front. He scored a hattrick. I am a managing God. Ugg also scored and got an assist. The game looks slightly more one sided than it really was as their goalkeeper had an absolute nightmare.

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Two games in and we were unbeaten. The board were very happy but not happy enough to release some funds. Ugg also looked very happy on the pitch and at training where his team mates had warmed to his little ways but I was beginning to worry about his home life. He did spend a lot of time when I wasn't there watching TV or digging plants up.

Maybe I should get him a dog.
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Post by Redknapp69 »

Ugg continues to be one of the star performers - maybe more need to follow his random ways!

Has he taken a shine to Alan Titchmarsh or Charlie Dimmock yet with his love of gardening and TV?!

Bit of wheeling and dealing there - just need to keep the big hitters fit hopefully
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Post by ebfatz »

Just caught this from the start.

Uggy is really turning it on early in his career.
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Post by Kingsley »

I wouldn't get him a dog. He would eat it.
Old Ugg is becoming a bit of a star.
Interesting to see a 6000 year old man as young player of the month.
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Post by Mark »

Feel like there was a missed opportunity to tell us what Ugg did to warrant a yellow card against Chesterfield :D

Some decent signings though for free. Don't remember Smith but the other trio should be good. I don't recognise the players being sold so that must be a good sign :D I do remember Spencer as a striker though, I think.
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